Stress-Less Aging: The Art of Growing Old Mindfully

Inside every old person there is a young person wondering what happened.
Osho

When we are young getting older is all the rage. The infant strains to crawl, the toddler perfects walking, the child plays “dress up," the teenager fights for independence, the young adult reaches for a career. At some point in life, however, the constant struggle to grow succumbs to gravity. Then it happens, getting older no longer seems like a good idea.

Mark Twain’s famous comment that “age is an issue of mind over matter; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter” is central to the question “when does aging become a problem?” In the absence of a rite of passage like the time-honored tradition of getting knock-down drunk when one turns 21, we have no obvious bench mark for “old.” Black balloons at the 40th birthday party are a sarcastic reminder that one is over the hill, rather than a signpost to a new phase of life.

Taking Mark Twain’s lead, maybe old is in the mind. Maybe there are two processes going on at the same time: Aging, the gradual and inevitable wearing down of the physical form, and getting old, what one thinks about that process.

The great mystic, Osho, drew a finer distinction between aging and maturing. Aging, he pointed out, is something that the body does and it happens regardless of personal characteristics or what we think about it. Maturity is a function of one’s level of consciousness and is not guaranteed by nature. In his terms, maturity is a level of development that goes beyond growing old and not only gives meaning to this process, but actually transcends it.

This maturity is what I call aging mindfully. It not a case of the mind not caring about getting older, it is moving beyond the mind altogether. Mindfulness does not end the aging process, it brings about a new relationship with the flow of energy that we call getting old. Through mindfulness we free ourselves from our judgments and learn to participate fully in the process of growing up.

Aging mindfully is a journey and should not be embarked on without some basic planning. Yes, it would be super cool to throw caution to the wind and set sail for lands unknown minus the GPS, using whatever serendipitous jewels fell one’s way to chart the course. But it’s one thing to be daring and quite another to be dangerous. So let’s set some basic ground rules for the trip.

1. Have a mental health check up first. Before heading into the uncharted territory that is your psyche, it might not be a bad idea to make sure that you have the skills necessary to find your way back should you choose. This does not necessarily mean going to a therapist’s office to obtain a permission slip for traveling beyond your mind. But it may mean spending some time checking in with the old neuroses to make sure that none of them are going to spoil the trip by constantly asking to go to the bathroom, or whatever it is your particular neurotic tendencies do.
2. Bring along a totem or two. Many people never take a trip without some reminder of home or good luck charm. These can be quite soothing when in strange surroundings. Get some worry beads, a statue of the Buddha, a rosary, a dream catcher or whatever reminds you of the world beyond your senses.
3. Realize that this is not an educational trip. Think back to your childhood and all of the places your parents dragged you to because “you’ll learn something.” What stuck with you the most was probably how much you hated educational trips. The journey through mindful aging is for the fun of it. Stop being so serious.
4. Know that everything you need for the trip you already have. If you are one of those people who needs a U-Haul to simply have a weekend getaway, now is the time to learn to pack light.
5. Forget about time. Too many trips are spoiled by the NASA-like countdown to the end of one’s “free time.” You have an eternity to get this right and, in the end, there is no wrong way to go about it. There is, however, a long way but even that was meant for you.