Confessions of a Thoughtaholic: Part II

You think because you don’t understand.
When understanding arises, thinking disappears.
Osho

When we last left the humble narrator he had just experienced the jarring disruption of a life lived on autopilot. Thinking, which was once filled with such great promise, had become a rabid dog about to bite the hand that had fed it for so many years.

Anxiety, for those who have never felt its cold hand beyond the casual “My God what am I going to do about my job, child, 401k?” is a unique experience. It’s like waking up from a dream in which you are being chased by an evil force and your legs won’t move, to find that you are being chased by an evil force and your legs won’t move.

When it comes to the mind, anxiety is essentially worrying about your worries. This vicious cycle revs up the stress response so that one’s body begins to course with adrenaline and cortisol as the body prepares to fight an imagined foe. The mind, having created this menacing phantom, then begins to figure out ways to destroy it. If it were not for the sleeplessness nights, inability to eat, annoying obsessions and near-panic reactions to mundane life events, this mind-charade would be laughable. Sadly, in the throes of any addiction, a sense of humor is one of the first things to go.

Fortunately, I had access to wonderfully caring people who did there best to point out to me that I needed to kick this thinking habit. This, they assured me, would restore me to the moderately compulsive person they knew and loved. With their help I was able to ride out the thought storm and, as the deluge slowed to a trickle, discover the profound truth of the Tao Te Ching; “Stop thinking and end your problems.”

Looking back on the rocky road of recovery, I can now say that the journey did me a world of good. As the famous quote says, “What is hard to endure is sweet to remember.” The sweetness of confronting thought addiction is that one never again takes thoughts so seriously. Once you discover how easily the passing parade of mental noise can turn into a cacophony, (not unlike the shrieks heard on the weeding out stages of American Idol) it is easier to sit back and chuckle. With Simon-like confidence one can even rate one’s own performance:
“Not only are those the silliest thoughts you have ever come up with, they are without any hint of coherence. To say that they are the ramblings of a mad man is to insult raving lunatics everywhere.”

Since no recovery story worth its salt is without a Step Program and a slogan, I humbly offer the following: (I apologize to the 12-Step Program, in my experience most people can’t focus on more than three things at a time and addicts seldom make it past Step 1.)

The 3 Steps
Step 1: Forget your ego
Step 2: Forget Step 1
Step 3: Go back to Step 1

The Slogan

Thinking; it only seems like a good idea.

Confessions of a Thoughtaholic: Part 1

Restless the mind is. . .
Truly I think
The wind is no wilder.
Bhagavad Gita

My name is Mike and I’m a recovering thoughtaholic. I can’t say that I’m completely clean because I have still have thoughts now and then. I can say that they no longer run my life. My story is like that of many thinking addicts. I only hope it will help some other desperate soul out there in search of his or her next brain fix.

I began my addiction very early in life. It seemed very innocent at the time. I don’t remember the exact thoughts I had but I know they had something to do with a teddy bear, a blankie and some kind of cage I was living in at the time. I often used thoughts to soothe my young jangled nerves. This seemed a necessity once the “tall ones” took away my pacifier.

I as grew older, I found the hidden powers of thinking. It seemed to me that when I thought about scary stuff, I got scared and when I thought about happy stuff, I felt happy. I would often use thinking to create magical worlds where I could zoom into space, drive racecars, hunt for buried treasures and battle evil monsters all without leaving the safety of my bedroom.

Unbelievably, I was soon sent away to learn to think even more. Part of my brain seemed to know better and fought against this indoctrination. To my frustrated parents, this seemed like a classic case of separation anxiety; to me it was being cast out of Eden, crayons, paste and scissors in tow.

As I got the hang of formal education, my thinking addiction was well under way. I soon moved on from the soft stuff, “See Jane Run,” to the hard stuff, “If x=10 and y=x-5 what is 5x + 10y?” These were good times. There was nothing that my mind could not do. Jacked up on thoughts, I could solve the deepest of life’s mysteries. I was about to take a big bite out of the apple of knowledge.

Such is the exuberance and ignorance of youth, however, and I soon discovered that my thinking did not always bring good feelings. Sometimes, I would find my thoughts simply revolving around each other with no apparent purpose. Other times, my thoughts would lead to negative consequences that seemed to be delivered by an uncaring world. As I moved into early adulthood, my thinking habit was a daily happening and there were times when I would find myself, alone in bed, tossing and turning from the thoughts that wanted me to pull an all-nighter.

They say that recovery starts once you hit bottom. For me that bottom was in the form of an anxiety episode that took place well into my adult years. At the time, I believed I had tamed the thought beast and had kicked the habit. Sure, I was still thinking on a daily basis and trying to cover up the negative effects of thinking by more thinking. Of course, I was still hiding my thinking on occasions and, in the classic addict move, I was seeking out other thinkers, but I was still in control. That delusion painfully dissolved when the evil thoughts moved in and pushed out anything good and pure.

To be continued . . .

Say "Yes" to Yes

Remember this: no is ego fulfilling: yes is the method to discover the self.
Osho

This week’s personal stress strategy and technique was inspired by a recent trip my wife and I took to see the most adorable grandbaby in the world. For the uninitiated, Elizabeth Grace lives in Atlanta and is about to turn two years old. Among the many tasks facing Elizabeth at this age is the building of her ego. So it is that her current favorite word is “no.” This can be quite adorable in one so young, as the following exchange demonstrates:

Grandpa: Elizabeth, do you want to get your jammies on for bed?
Elizabeth: No. (Continues chasing the dog.)
Grandpa: Then do you want grandpa to read you a bedtime story?
Elizabeth: No. (Stops to pick up her doll baby.)
Grandpa: Do you want grandma to tuck you in?
Elizabeth: No. (Resumes chasing the dog.)
Grandpa: Do you want a big piece of chocolate cake before you go to bed?
Elizabeth: No. (Stops everything and realizing what she just said, begins to cry.)

This nay-saying mechanism is not so cute when it gets trapped in an almost 50 year old body, as demonstrated by the following exchange on the trip home:

Grandma: You want to stop for some coffee before we get going?
Grandpa: No. (Continues playing with the radio.)
Grandma: Then how about we stop to get something to eat, at least?
Grandpa: No. (Check GPS to make sure that he took the right exit.)
Grandma: How about . . ?
Grandpa: No. (Turns off radio in disgust that no one plays good Jazz anymore.)
Grandma: Tell me, does a diaper come with that attitude?
Grandpa: (In ignorant bliss) Did we pack any of that chocolate cake?

As Osho points out, “no” is food for the ego. Negation and resistance are the steroids that juice up our egos and keep them feeling in control. This is an essential developmental stage when we are young and there is no way around it. That’s why God created grandparents; to remind parents that “this, too, shall pass.”

The problem later in life is that “no” closes us off to the free flowing creative energy of the universe. The following technique is helpful in bringing us back into contact with this energy; spend a day saying “yes.” For twenty-four hours approach every situation with a "yes" attitude. Pay close attention to the feeling inside as you do this. Notice the pull toward the “no” and all of the reasons your mind will come up with to justify its reaction. Then notice the deep feeling of ease that comes with the “yes.” See how much easier it is to move through you day with acceptance rather than rejection.

A few quick caveats before you choose your day of yes. You might want to avoid used car salesmen, QVC and telemarketers. In addition, if you have kids you might want to tell them what you are up to and warn them that the yes only applies to the next 24 hours and that all decisions are rescinded with the following sunrise. No need to give away the farm with this one.