Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Zen of Aging

If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life.
Wu-men

Two of the essential questions we ask as we age are “what is my life’s purpose?” and “what has it all been for?” For some, this questioning of life's course and meaning may lead to benign regrets, such as that one never learned how to cook with a wok, or may lead to a soul crushing critique of every choice one has ever made. This self analysis may lead to feelings reflected in the biblical sentiment “I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind.”

The destructive stress that often accompanies aging is intertwined with humankind's drive to explain ourselves to ourselves. Never satisfied with the simple things, we seek to break everything down into understandable bits, including the self. It is no wonder that as the clock begins to wind down on our time here we may begin to suffer from depression and anxiety. How can one avoid being filled with dread if the not-so-subtle message of the age is “don’t be dysfunctional, find out what your function is.” In a culture that puts such emphasis on producing something, there are no points awarded for simply being present.

The true essence of Zen and many other great teachings is that when we stop looking for answers we will stop creating problems. The need to unlock the mystery of one’s purpose only creates confusion in the mind. Whose criteria will we judge by? What if we discover our purpose is at odds with our religion, politics, culture or what the current best seller says it should be? Furthermore, do we really believe that once we make up our minds that our minds will leave us alone? More likely it will be there as the constant critic reminding us whenever we stray from the path.

Now imagine growing older and already knowing that we have fulfilled our purpose simply by showing up and participating in life! How much more relaxed would it feel if we believed in our hearts that everything already fits into its perfect place? What if we could experience a healing power by dropping all the false trappings of self and trusting more in the natural processes that have been in place since the beginning? What if we could understand the inherent wisdom in the Buddhist statement “no self, no problem”?

Once we overcome the thought addiction that has us responding to all of the messages society has placed in our heads about growing older, we can use a more mindful approach to experience our purpose. This approach uses one’s own heart as a guide to what we know to be true, that which brings us inner peace. We can find comfort in the following words from the Tao Te Ching:

The Master's power is like this.
He lets all things come and go effortlessly, without desire.
He never expects results; thus he is never disappointed.
He is never disappointed; thus his spirit never grows old.

No matter how old we are, we can take a moment to consider what is driving our lives these days. What expectations do we have for ourselves? By what standards do we measure ourselves? Once we feel the stress inside when considering the distance between where we are and where we think we should be, we can take a deep breath and tell ourselves that there was nowhere to go in the first place. When we loosen our grip on the steering wheel of life we will find that life is a much better driver than we could ever be.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Lose It Before You Use It

I put my heart and soul into my work,
and have lost my mind in the process.
Vincent Van Gogh

What do most people mean when they talk about losing their minds? Surely it's not a statement of going beyond thought and connecting with the world as it is. No, the phrase "losing one’s mind" usually reflects the deep-seated fear that our sanity will begin to unravel like a ball of string and things will stop making sense. This fear leaves many of us holding tight to the reins of our thoughts believing that our sanity hinges on our ability to corral them to keep them from running wild.

The irony is that it is the very effort of holding on that creates the tension that we experience as "losing it." During the most stressful times we aren't losing our mind, we are in fact inseparable from it. We have identified ourselves with it and all of its musings, and have become addicted to it. The true insanity of this addiction is that we actually believe that we are our thoughts.

Even if we wanted to lose our minds we would find ourselves in a game of hide and seek where the seeker always knows our favorite hiding spots. The fact that we can question our own sanity is the way out of this game. The ability to look upon our thoughts puts distance between our real selves and the selves our minds have put together (often without our expressed permission). An old saying in psychology is that people who are really crazy do not sit around wondering if they are crazy. The rest of us who spend our time worrying that the nervous breakdown is just around the corner are simply experiencing the human condition of suffering. Feel better now?

Recovering addicts will often talk about their active addiction as if it had happened to someone else. Guess what? It did. This is the beauty of recovery of any kind; recovering the awareness that the external self is always changing. At a very basic and cellular level we are not the same person we were even a few days ago. Meanwhile, the true self, the canvas on which the material self is painted, is ever the same. We are never without this self. No matter what our minds tell us.

The next time you find yourself listening to your thoughts, and they sound like the ravings of a mad person, simply tell yourself “never mind.” For despite its efforts, the mind cannot take over the inner peace that is inside you, that is you, the peace that “surpasses all understanding.” This peace is our true inner nature and cannot be found by the mind because, as Ramana Marharshi pointed out, "the mind obscures the natural state." To find this peace simply drop the addiction to thinking. You won’t go crazy, but you will be out of your head.