The Zen of Aging

If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life.

Wu-men

Two of the essential questions we ask as we age are “what is my life’s purpose?” and “what has it all been for?” For some, this questioning of life's course and meaning may lead to benign regrets, such as that one never learned how to cook with a wok, or may lead to a soul crushing critique of every choice one has ever made. This self analysis may lead to feelings reflected in the biblical sentiment “I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind.”

The destructive stress that often accompanies aging is intertwined with humankind's drive to explain ourselves to ourselves. Never satisfied with the simple things, we seek to break everything down into understandable bits, including the self. It is no wonder that as the clock begins to wind down on our time here we may begin to suffer from depression and anxiety. How can one avoid being filled with dread if the not-so-subtle message of the age is “don’t be dysfunctional, find out what your function is.” In a culture that puts such emphasis on producing something, there are no points awarded for simply being present.

The true essence of Zen and many other great teachings is that when we stop looking for answers we will stop creating problems. The need to unlock the mystery of one’s purpose only creates confusion in the mind. Whose criteria will we judge by? What if we discover our purpose is at odds with our religion, politics, culture or what the current best seller says it should be? Furthermore, do we really believe that once we make up our minds that our minds will leave us alone? More likely it will be there as the constant critic reminding us whenever we stray from the path.

Now imagine growing older and already knowing that we have fulfilled our purpose simply by showing up and participating in life! How much more relaxed would it feel if we believed in our hearts that everything already fits into its perfect place? What if we could experience a healing power by dropping all the false trappings of self and trusting more in the natural processes that have been in place since the beginning? What if we could understand the inherent wisdom in the Buddhist statement “no self, no problem”?

Once we overcome the thought addiction that has us responding to all of the messages society has placed in our heads about growing older, we can use a more mindful approach to experience our purpose. This approach uses one’s own heart as a guide to what we know to be true, that which brings us inner peace. We can find comfort in the following words from the Tao Te Ching:

The Master's power is like this.

He lets all things come and go effortlessly, without desire.

He never expects results; thus he is never disappointed.

He is never disappointed; thus his spirit never grows old.

No matter how old we are, we can take a moment to consider what is driving our lives these days. What expectations do we have for ourselves? By what standards do we measure ourselves? Once we feel the stress inside when considering the distance between where we are and where we think we should be, we can take a deep breath and tell ourselves that there was nowhere to go in the first place. When we loosen our grip on the steering wheel of life we will find that life is a much better driver than we could ever be.