Are We Having Fun Yet?

The bow cannot always stand bent,
nor can human frailty subsist without
some lawful recreation.
Miguel De Cervantes

Recreation, literally to "restore or to make anew," at times loses much of its fun status and seems to create only more stress in the lives of those engaging in it. You know how this goes; the card game turns ugly when you accuse your neighbor of dealing from the bottom of the deck, bowling night becomes brawling night after you catch the opposing team’s top player juicing up in-between frames, and the fishing trip goes south after you snap your pole in half trying to reel in that trophy-size log. What has become of us? Have we allowed stress so deeply into our lives that even the things that are meant to bring us joy and relaxation make us feel tense and frustrated? If you find yourself increasingly opting out of "games night" in order to scrub the bathroom floors or clip the cat’s claws, then I suggest that the answer is yes, you have allowed stress to take over the game board, and as everyone knows, stress does not play fair.

According to Webster’s dictionary, the word fun means "hoax or to be duped." Think about this for a minute; fun is supposed to be a situation in which we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of in some way—it is a trick we play on ourselves. The archetypal image of this is the game of hide and seek, where getting lost is as much of a thrill as trying to find those who have hidden themselves. The problem arises, and destructive stress sneaks in, when we forget the agreement that we made to be duped and start taking ourselves too seriously. This is when winning becomes more important than just being part of the game and the competitive ego sees even Candyland as a place to exert its control over the world.

If you want to get into contact with the healing power of stress, you are going to have to learn to play again. I hope that the last line sounds strange to you. I hope that you have a visceral reaction to the thought that having fun is something to be learned, it means there is still hope. It is only because of years and years of mental conditioning, often in the guise of formal education, that you have lost the ability to be silly. Ironically, it is because the world sometimes makes us feel so foolish that we wear our "game face" to let the world know that we mean business.

It is a sure sign of the stressed times we live in that we can no longer simply run through the fields unless there are clearly defined lanes, rules to keep cheaters at bay, and ribbons when it is over. Think about your last vacation (from the latin word vacatio, meaning freedom). How free did you feel? Were you taking in your surroundings in mindful peace, or busily trying to pack as much into twenty-four hours as humanly possible? When it was over did you return to work feeling rested and relaxed, or was your fading tan the only proof that you had been out of office? Stop doing this to yourself. Stop resisting your natural tendency to have fun and to be fun. It might literally be killing you.
Whenever you get the chance, watch children at play. Resist the urge to referee and simply observe how children go about their nonbusiness. Remember that this was you once, and is still you, at your deepest level. Restore your sense of awe for the world and your part in it. Stress cannot live in you when you are filled with wonder.

Here is a personal stress strategy you can use to put some fun back into your life. The next time you head out into the world, whether it is a trip to the supermarket, your in-laws or a dinner party, take along your party hat. Try your best to view whatever it is you are doing as an actual game. Remember that all games have rules, and that the outcome is up for grabs. This is where the fun comes in; the not knowing how it will turn out. Make it a point to fully engage in the hoax-like quality of the game that you are playing and realize that everyone you encounter, even the person who steals your prime parking spot at the Quickie Mart, is also playing the game. Marvel at how well some play and how others seem to lack a sense of enthusiasm. Notice those who try to bend or even break the rules of the game in their favour. Know that this is part of the game too. Be weary of your mind showing up as the supervising adult trying to tell you that play time is over and you have to get serious again. The mind is afraid of play because it knows that when you really get into it you lose yourself, and that it the death knell for the ego. Play these games as often as you like as see if you don’t re-create your stress.