A Stress Revolution

Brain cells create ideas.
Stress kills brain cells.
Stress is not a good idea.

--Frederick Saunders






The healing power of stress? I have to admit that, even to my ears, these words do not seem to fit together. It seems an oxymoron, with the emphasis on the moronic, to suggest that stress can be anything other than something to avoid at all costs. As a therapist, I have been taught that stress is a destroyer. I have watched as it has consumed the lives of my clients, friends, family members, and, in an act of sublime irony, even this humble writer. I have tried again and again to use my therapeutic wisdom to outsmart it, to manage it, and even to try and remove it completely from life’s equation, and still it returned, sometimes with more force. I know that you do not need proof, but consider these often-cited facts about stress:

-- About a million people each day in the U.S. are absent from work due to stress-related disorders.
-- Up to 90% of all visits to primary care physicians are for stress-related complaints.
-- Up to 80% of industrial accidents are due to stress.
-- Over 50% of lost workdays are stress-related.
-- 14% of all workers say stress caused them to quit or change jobs in the previous two years.
-- 43% of all adults suffer adverse health effects due to stress.
-- Stress has been linked to all the leading causes of death, including heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, cirrhosis, and suicide.

With this amount of bad press, we have to wonder who let this stress monster loose, and whether there is any way to get it back in its cage? Even more to the point, is there some way that we can learn to live with stress successfully and use its power to heal ourselves?

The answer to the first question, "Who let this monster loose?" is easy, but you are not going to like it. So let’s go to the second question about whether or not there is anything we can do about it. The answer to this question is a resounding "Yes!" If you are still wondering about the first question and stressing over what the answer is going to be, then you already know the answer, and should just relax and read on.

This is not about stress management. I am not going to talk about the physiological aspects of stress, nor will I tell you that you need to eat better, sleep more, and stop all of the fun things in your life that you have picked up as stress-busters. Why? You already know those things, and my telling you is only going to make you feel worse for not doing them. My goal is much simpler, yet also much more difficult. I am going to help you look at stress in a new way. The only requirement for this stress program to work is for you to have an open mind. If you have long since locked your mind and thrown away the key, take heart: this book will help you as well. As you move forward, you will most likely discover that your mind and stress are intimately entangled, and having a closed mind is one of the reasons that you still feel so much of the negative power of stress.

I have worked in the stress field for more than twenty years and lived with my own stress for more than forty-five, give or take—mostly give. As a licensed therapist, I have met with thousands of people in various stages of the stress continuum. If you are unfamiliar with the stress continuum, it looks like this:

Pre-birth..............Birth.............. After Death
No stress..............Stress............. No Stress

My clients have come to me in many guises, but the underlying theme to all of our sessions has been the same: "Life is stressing me out, and you are my last hope for any semblance of sanity." The irony, of course, is that going to therapy, for most people, is in itself a very stressful event. This irony did not seem lost on many of my clients, who almost invariably left therapy before making any notable changes.

It wasn’t until my own levels of stress became all-consuming that I began to seriously consider finding a new way to take on this monster. What I discovered was often in direct contrast with what I had been taught as a therapist, and seemed to run contrary to logic. I knew that I was either on the brink of a mental breakdown or a discovery that would forever alter the way I worked with my clients and, what is more, the way I saw myself in my relation to stress. Make no mistake about it: you, too, have a relationship with stress. In the same way that the alcoholic has a relationship with alcohol, you have created a pattern of living that includes stress as a primary character in the drama that is your life. My guess is that this relationship is, at best, dysfunctional, and, at worst, abusive. This, my friend, is great news—the relationship part, not the abuse. In the old models of stress, you were a victim—the world was out to get you and danger was around every corner. In the model I offer you, you are the director, writer, and actor of the story you call "Me", and you are long overdue for a rewrite.

Lastly, I am not going to preach stress-free living. While I think it is possible for those who inhabit higher planes to be free of stress, you and I are flying coach and the stewardess just spilled our drinks in our laps. So we are not going to remove stress, but we are going to move it. We are going to take it out of its current role as the spoiler of all that is good and place it neatly in a corner of the room, where it may occasionally raise a fuss to get attention—much like a puppy. Like any good pet owner, we will toss it an occasional bone, but the days of its peeing on the couch, pooping on the floor, and humping the cat are over. In the end,when asked by friends and family alike, "So, are you stress free now?" you will be able to answer proudly, "No, but I am free to stress."

In order to help create the opening to allow this new view of stress to take hold, I will be introducing Personal Stress Strategies and Techniques, or "PSST," thus creating the catchphrase, "Got Stress? Get PSST!" These thought-stoppers will be used to empty your brain tank so that new concepts can get in and take root. Each is designed to be used immediately, some are even reusable, and you may feel free to carry them with you wherever you go.

If you are like me and almost ninety-eight percent of the human population, you are probably feeling fairly skeptical about all of this. You might be thinking. "I have tried this all before. Every time I try to make changes to myself, it never lasts. Please, just leave me alone and stop all of the self-improvement mumbo-jumbo!" If this is your current state of mind, congratulations. You are right where you need to be. While it might sound tongue-in-cheek, I assure you that it is not. I really believe that in order for this to work, and for any real change to happen in one’s life, there has to be some doubt. This is the beginning of the healing process—seeing one’s stress as a pointer to something that needs attention. No good journey begins by already knowing how the trip will turn out. Where is the fun in that? In order to have a new relationship with stress, we are not only going to head down new roads, but we are also going to take roads very-well-traveled in a new way.

We will not be taking this journey without guidance. In addition to my experiences with thousands of clients, I am going to share with you the insights that I have gained through my own relationship with stress. While I may occasionally quote the likes of Sigmund Freud, William James, Carl Jung, or even Dr. Phil, I have found that much in Western psychological therapy falls very short of providing one with a way to live in harmony with life. This view, I am discovering, is becoming more and more fashionable in the profession, as the mechanistic/materialistic view of the mind has not always brought forth the ripest of fruits. More often than not, traditional psychological approaches put you at odds with life and needlessly sustain conflict and tension. Therefore, the pointers we will follow have less to do with the science of the mind and much more to do with the silence of the mind. Borrowing from the traditions of Buddhism, Hinduism, Christian mysticism, and ancient and modern sages, we will bring to life the meaning behind the words of the Tao Te Ching: "To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders." We will find that once we look behind the veil of stress, we will discover that, in the immortal words of the sage Pogo, "We have met the enemy and he is us."

Before starting any journey, it is always a good thing to take a quick inventory to prepare both physically and mentally. Let’s be honest: some of us have piled on so much stress that we barely cling to existence. Sometimes, the mere thought of trying to dive into unknown waters brings about great anxiety. While I want to assure you that you will survive this dive, it would be foolish to think that you will not experience a degree of fear and even panic. If this is the case for you, and it has been years since the last time you truly opened your heart and soul to anyone, you might consider talking to a trusted person before heading on. You can choose a minister, priest, therapist, doctor, hairdresser, or anyone else whom you feel safe around. Once you feel you have purged the stress tanks, and there is no psychological boogie man waiting to rob you of you last vestige of sanity, then "onward we go."