What Springs to Mind

Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.
Rainer Maria Rilke


I marked the return of spring and warmer weather in an unusual manner recently. I decided to feel sorry for myself. Until just the other day, the world outside the window where I receive chemotherapy was rather cold and gray. That felt about right. Then, suddenly, the sun crashed through the window like a brick with a note tied to it that read, "What the hell are you doing in there? Get outside! It's spring!"

Thus began my first chemo-related pity party. While it's true that misery loves company, pity is not afraid to go it alone. Hand it a bucket of worries and you're ready for an all-nighter. To my credit, I did not let this go on into the wee hours. Still, there it was in all of its non-glory pushing me closer to the edge of "I can't do this anymore." While this was happening, however, there was a part of me that was able to observe where this was leading me and ask, ever so quietly, "Do you really want to head down this path?" "Yes," cried the chunk of brain that was still in control of most of my senses, "you do want to go down this path. Look at it outside, this is fishing weather; you could be on the boat hauling in a trophy-size bass!"

I decided to break this inner dialogue by mentioning it to my nurse, who had already shared with me that she had gone through her own cancer treatment. Quietly and with clear understanding, she said, "You're gonna feel that way, just take it one day at time." I didn't share with her that I was way past "one day" and was knee-deep in one minute at time. However, her words clearly came from that deep place inside her that had squared off with the same demons I was wrestling with now, and that helped pull me out of my thoughts. My mindless wandering interrupted; I was able to return to the practice of mindful breathing.

In this state, I reminded myself that one need not corral the runaway mind and, in fact, attempting to corner and trap it only makes it more dangerous. Through meditation and other present moment experiences, one learns to simply let thoughts be as they are. No longer fed by endless attention, thoughts move on into their own silent void. As the Tao Te Ching says, "No fight, no blame."

I would be stretching things a bit to suggest that the next warm, sunny day I'm in the chemo recliner or on the radiation table, I will be one with the universe. I will, however, use my mindfulness techniques to keep from going into my mind and into the empty caverns of "poor me." This way, I can save the pity party for a true spring ritual; having a monster bass jump off my line before I get him in the boat.

Firewalker

In the depth of winter,
I finally learned that there was within me
an invincible summer.
Albert Camus



“You’re going to walk through the fire, and you’re going to be ok.” These are words that I will never forget. They were spoken by a coworker who had learned that my CT scan had confirmed that there was a mass nestled under my sternum that was clearly not supposed to be there. Then she pointed to a scar on her right cheek and said, “I got this for my 39th birthday, cancer of the mouth.” She hugged me with the kind of the hug that says, “You’re one of us now.”

I was humbled by her openness and compassion but I was also confused, in my denial. What fire? There was no fire, simply some blob of something that would turn out to be a mere smudge from the radiologist’s finger. Or, perhaps there would just be a low burning ember, like “Well, Mr. Verano, it’s not supposed to be there but it’s not going to hurt anything to leave it alone.”

Not only were my coworker’s words prophetic, as I was, in fact, about to join the club of people diagnosed with cancer, they also pointed to a profound truth. This truth is that life after a major medical diagnosis is never the same and the challenges ahead are initiation rites of the highest order. Only one who had crossed that blazing bed of charcoal briquettes can possibly look someone in the eye and, without a hint of uncertainty, say “I’ll see you on the other side.”

There are many ways that illnesses get interpreted. From the lofty heights of “God’s will” to the street level “shit happens,“ not only are we given a health crisis we are faced with giving it meaning. A central message passed down through ages is that while our joys make life sweeter, it is our sufferings that define who we are. Despite appearing hardwired for good times, it seems profoundly true that it is our pain, not our pleasure, that make us grow. This is surely why the great teachers from both the East and West spent so much time talking about facing our suffering. It’s not that they were kill-joys looking to rain on everybody’s parade, they were pointing directly at the fertile ground that lies within our very souls. Ground that so often looks like a deep pit, a road to nowhere or even a path of pure fire.

This is why so few take the trip willingly. A push of some sort is usually required to break the “I like things just the way they are“ mentality. When it comes to this nudge toward a new path, cancer is like the big bully who waits at the public pool for some poor unsuspecting soul who is trying to get up the nerve to enter one toe at a time when all the sudden, SPLASH! Now it’s sink or swim time.

The first few days after my surgery I often found myself repeating my coworker’s words over and over like a mantra. Especially the “you’re going to be ok,” part. It had an immediately calming effect, the source of which was much deeper than mere positive thinking. When I would say these words, it was as if I was in contact with the very spirit in her that had already sorted out all the fears, questions, uncertainties and disjointed thoughts that were rattling around in my head. Bless her for having done all of that work for me ahead of time.

Time That Wasn't Lost

So many wings flew around
The mountains of sorrow
And so many wheels beat
The highway of our destiny,
We had nothing left to lose.
And our weeping ended.
Pablo Neruda

Too often, when illness strikes or we encounter some unexpected form of suffering, it is as if life is put on hold. We even talk about having lost time while sick or recovering from a traumatic life event. The notion is that our lives move in certain trajectories and that ill health is a deviation from that course.

This sense of time wasted, of a life that has jumped the track and is now stuck on the sidelines, adds an extra burden to our psyches. We watch as healthy and vibrant people move care free with seemingly orchestrated ease. If we really want to push our grief deeper, we envy them and their nonchalant approach to their days. Secretly, in the deepest recesses of our hearts, lingers the unanswerable “Why me, why now, why this?”

But what if these moments do not represent a pause in life? What if they are not detours but a direct path? Less traveled surely, but no less valuable than the well mapped out roads more desired? Is it possible that we were meant to live our illnesses with the same curiosity and willingness normally reserved for “the good life?” Perhaps the ancient teachings of the Buddha, Lao Tzu and Jesus, that called us to find peace amidst suffering, were practical, not metaphorical.

My experience since being diagnosed with a rare form of thymic cancer and undergoing thoracic surgery to remove the tumor, coupled with four years of studying mindfulness techniques, has convinced me that the great masters were correct. They saw no distinction between up and down, yes or no, health or illness. They saw only manifestations of a singular loving source that calls to us to wake up and live life in the present moment. Their message is as simple as it is profound; the peace we seek is no further away than our next breath and the path we seek is no further away than our next step.

In the end, there is no such thing as lost time. Illness does not take us out of the game; it pushes us deeply into the heart of the matter. Whether or not we experience gain or loss depends on whether our pain brings openings or shuts us off from being able to live life fully. Personally, I found that the door of awareness rests on loose hinges. At times, it swings easily into the realm of depression and “what ifs.” However, with the same ease, it opens on the vast experience of life in the now.

Sharing my experience helps me make sense of what I have been through, not by reliving it, but by living through it with others. If this experience has taught me anything it is that none of us goes it alone. I whole-heartedly believe that the path to my recovery is paved by the thoughts, prayers and healing energy of others. My hope is that by sharing this episode in my life I might repay some of the overwhelming kindness shown to me. My health felt like a very personal thing, my illness is a social event that has reframed my notion of wellness.

Santa Pause

Empty yourself of everything.
Let the mind rest at peace
Tao Te Ching

Stress is as much a part of holiday tradition as greeting cards, presents, and awkward moments at family gatherings. The conventional wisdom is that while this should be a time of peace on earth and good will towards men, it’s equally the time for discord and ill will.

How is it that a festive time turns into a carnival of tension and worry? Why is it that high blood pressure and tension headaches show up as much as eggnog and fruitcake? Does this have something to say about the holiday season, or is it a commentary on the way we see stress?

The holidays do not bring us stress; we bring stress to the holidays. If you look closely at the “gift” of inner tension, you will find that it was neatly packed, wrapped, and hand-delivered by none other than our self. This is very good news. It opens up the possibility that we can ask for, and if we have not been too naughty, receive, the present of inner peace this season.

Before going on, I want to share with you a Stressmas carol that I wrote to sum up how many of us feel as we move headlong into the not-so-silent nights ahead:
(Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Jangled nerves, jangled nerves
Jangled all the day
Oh how sad it is to spend
Our holiday time this way

Dashing through the malls
With a cart that’s gone astray
Back to the bank we go
Crying all the way
Bells on registers ring
Making spirits sigh
Oh, what bills the mailman brings!
Why is my interest rate so high?

Jangled nerves, jangled nerves
Jangled all the day
Oh how sad it is to spend
Our holiday time this way

A day or two ago
I felt my chest grow tight
And very soon I found myself
Pacing through the night
I tried to get some sleep
But the fears they would not go
I knew I’d fallen deep
And never felt so low

Oh! Jangled nerves, jangled nerves
Jangled all the day
Oh how sad it is to spend
Our holiday time this way


Traditional stress reduction plans usually have four basic components. We are told that we should eat right, exercise, get plenty of sleep, and enjoy the company of others. If you are like me, you are looking at this list and feeling even more stressed out than before. The reason, of course, is that this list represents things that, for most of the year, feel barely within our control. The likelihood that they are going to become our standard mode of operation during the time frame between November and January is about the same as the likelihood that Santa will finally give us the high definition plasma TV we have been longing for rather than the lawn tool that will occupy our every weekend.

Don’t be dismayed merry gentlemen and women, there is another way to approach this time of the year. Contrary to many stress management techniques, the way out of this trap is not by struggling to get a hold of the stress Grinch that lurks in the shadows waiting to steal our holiday magic. It is by letting go of our habitual tendency to resist the world as it is. When we hold on desperately to the visions that dance in our head, we become frustrated when the world refuses to dance along. However, when we let go of the need for the holiday season, or any season for that matter, to conform to our preconceived notions, we discover a true miracle; life isn’t so bad when we actually live it rather than think our way around it.

This does not mean that we simply lie down and allow the yuletide sleigh to run us over. Moving into a state of “let go” does not mean we become victims of the wintry winds of fate. To the contrary, when we stop struggling against life we discover new options and energies. When we drop the notion that holiday stress is “out there” and see it as a routine mind creation, only decked out with bright lights and tinsel, we can actually do something to bring true joy to the season.

The next time you find that your holiday stress mug runneth over, try emptying it by asking yourself “what am I resisting at this very moment?” Look deeply into was is and see if you can hear the voice in your head saying, “this should not be.” Hit the pause button on this running commentary and you will find that all is calm; all is quiet.

In order to help you through the coming holidaze, I offer another revised Stressmas carol guaranteed to soften the heart of the most hardened Scrooge:
(Sung to the tune of Let It Snow)

Oh, the world outside if frightful
And everyone seems so spiteful
But since it’s no way to grow
I let it go, let it go, let it go
The stress it is not stopping
And my heart it feels like popping
But before I hit an all time low
I let it go, let it go, let it go

And when I finally see the light
Nothing seems quite so bad
When I let go of the fight
I discover the peace that I had

Now the fears are slowly dying
And my heart’s no longer crying
All I ever needed to know
Was let it go, let it go, let it go

Dharma Dawg

The true guru will never humiliate you, nor will he estrange you from yourself. He knows you need nothing, not even him, and is never tired of reminding you.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Faithful readers of this blog know that in times of inner turmoil I turn to my online guru the venerable Swami Rama Ding Dong. After discovering him on the Gurus R Us webpage, I have routinely sought his sage advice. It seems that I am no longer alone in my admiration for the Swami. Demand is so high that he no longer offers private audiences. So it was that I found myself being redirected to the Cyber Ashram site to join in a chat room where other like-minded seekers took turns asking questions of the wise master. Here is the transcript of my last session. (To keep track of me you need to know that I go by the screen name Dharma Dawg.)

Host: Thanks for joining Swami Rama Ding Dong in the Cyber Ashram. Please keep your questions brief and do not expect long answers. The Swami’s arthritis has him in a bad way.
Taoboy: Swami Rama Ding Dong, I find that I am more confused than when we last chatted. How do I know that the path I have taken is the right one? It so often feels wrong.
Swami: What, not even a “Hey how are you?” Is this always going to be about you and your endless search?
Taoboy: I’m sorry, you’re right. How are you?
Swami: I am not a self, so your question has no meaning.
Zenhead: Swami, how should we meditate?
Swami: You might as well ask “How should I circulate my blood?” or “How do I digest my food?”
Zenhead: Oh, ok. How should I circulate my blood and digest my food?
Swami: You’re new to this stuff aren’t you? The meditative state is your true state. There is nothing you need to do to reach the true state but drop the false.
BlisslessinSeattle: Swami, why do we suffer?
Swami: I think it has a lot to do with cable TV. I mean how many more reality shows do we need? (lol) Seriously, you suffer because you take yourself to be the body, which is subject to the law of opposites. Good, bad, healthy, unhealthy, rich, poor, Republican and Democrat. Give up this idea and be one.
ReincarNate: Swami, I’ve been practicing crystal based, past life, non-self anti-behavioral therapy. I have discovered that in a previous incarnation I insulted the Buddha by suggesting he shed a few pounds. Since then, my lives have been full of misery. How do I break free from this karmic trap?
Swami: I’m gonna need you to step away from the incense and take a deep breath of reality, new age boy. Find out who you are in this life and the question of past lives will be dropped.
DharmaDawg: Why am I such a worrier?
Swami: Worry is not your nature, peace is your nature. It’s because you take yourself to be your thoughts that you believe yourself to be a worrier.
DharmaDawg: Ok, I get the whole, “I’m not my thoughts” thing, but thoughts still happen and many of them are troubling. How can simply telling myself that these thoughts are not me make them stop?
Swami: Why do you want them to stop?
DharmaDawg: Because they are worrisome.
Swami: Are they?
DharmaDawg: Was that rhetorical?
Swami: Was it?
DharmaDawg: Cut it out.
Swami: Sorry, just trying to lighten the moment. Go into this idea of worry. Who is it that worries? Isn’t it still the worrier that worries? What would you expect from a worrying mind?
DharmaDawg: Ok, worry is an idea and worrying about worry is just another idea, but how do you make it stop?
Swami: Forget making it stop, just stop clinging, that is all. Your very effort to control it gives it power.
Buddhababe: Swami, could you upload a picture of yourself so that we might meditate on your image?
Swami: I don’t normally do this, as I am beyond the needs of the ego, but you seem like a good crowd. Here it is …

Buddhababe: I knew it.
Taoboy: You are my God!
ReincarNate: I loved you in O Brother Where Art Thou.
Zenhead: Any plans for Oceans 14?
DharmaDawg: You’re a sick bastard, Swami Rama Ding Dong.

I Knew That

Most of us learn facts, gather information or knowledge, but the mind never learns how to be quiet, how to be free from all the turmoil in life, from the soil in which problems take root.

Krishnamurti

Imagine the following exchange between a parent and child.

Parent: Once upon a time, there was a magic fairy. . .
Child: (Interrupting) No way, there are no such things as magic fairies.
Parent: (Undaunted) This magic fairy lived in a magic palace. . .
Child: (Indignantly) There are no such things as magic palaces!
Parent: (Slightly annoyed) One day the magic fairy met a goblin in the dark woods . . .
Child: (Almost hysterically) Goblins are not real, there is no way a magic fairy could meet a goblin because neither exist!
Parent (Laying the book down and brushing back a lock of hair from the child’s eyes.) Goblins do exist honey, and they eat little children who don’t believe in them. Sweet dreams.

Now imagine the following exchange, only on a more adult level.

Master: You need only enter the present moment to find the peace you seek. . .
Student: (Interrupting) No way I can stay in the present moment, the present moment sucks that’s why it needs to change.
Master: (Still in a state of peace) The present moment is changeless, it is the forms that come and go in the field of now that change.
Student: (Sarcastically) Please, everything changes and usually it changes for the worse. You want me to suffer all my life?
Master: (With loving-kindness) Your suffering results from the false beliefs you have about yourself. You are the now; you are that in which all happens.
Student: (Near narcissistic rage) I’ll tell you what happens, shit happens and that’s all she wrote.
Master: (In a state of total surrender) Tell me, what is the sound of my one hand slapping you on the back of the head?

From the moment in childhood when the thinking mind takes over, we have a very hard time hearing stories that do not conform to our preconceived notions of how things are. The closing of the mind occurs through the gradual build up of information, until we find ourselves surrounded by knowledge. It is this very knowing that keeps us from discovering new wonders.

This is why the essential ingredient in many ancient teachings is moving beyond our minds. It is not about becoming mindless, but becoming fully mindful; turning the light of our awareness on the world, minus the idea that we already know what is going on. In this open state, we become receptive to the world as it is and are no longer troubled by the world as we think it should be.

The liberation that comes from uttering the phrase “I don’t know” is profound. It helps to clear the slate and allows us to experience the depth of life. As Meister Eckhart put it so perfectly, “Only the hand that erases can write the true thing.” This helps to shake off the “been there, done that” syndrome that so many of us suffer from. The truth is that when we live in our heads we are never really “there” and whatever was “done” had to pass through the mind filter. When we enter into mindfulness, we begin to experience the true magic of a universe beyond our wildest imaginings.

The Law of Subtraction

In pursuit of knowledge,every day something is added.In the practice of the Tao,every day something is dropped.Less and less do you need to force things,until finally you arrive at non-action.When nothing is done,nothing is left undone.
Tao Te Ching
　
Google search “the law of attraction” and you will get 4,450,000 results. For those of you not privy to “The Secret,” the law of attraction states that if we really want something and truly believe it’s possible, we get it. New Agers will often talk about our ability to become manifesting machines and fill our lives with all sorts of goodies. Often, this “law” comes with a slice of spirituality on the side, suggesting that the universe wants us to have whatever we desire.

Before going on, I have a confession. I have dabbled with this law in the form of affirmations, and I have to admit it does seem to work. I will spare you the details, but on at least three occasions, my intentions did materialize. However, what I received did little to make my life any better, and, in one case, made things much worse. This was proof to me of two profound truths; the universe is a very giving place and there is no guarantee that what it gives will make you happy. Thus, the fine print of this law should read, “Caution, at some point, you will be faced with the downside of whatever gifts you are given.” So it is that the new car comes with the worries about someone crashing into it, the great job comes with the maniacal boss, the beautiful home comes with the ballooning mortgage, the new relationship…well you get the point.

It is easy to see how the idea that we can use mind power to fulfill our wildest dreams would be a huge success in a culture whose credo is not “less is more” but “more is never enough.” It should also be no surprise that many of the websites that promote this magical power, that is available to all of us, are willing to give away this secret only if you are willing to part with some of your hard-earned cash. This helps to manifest their desire to be rich!

How quickly we forget that trying to find true happiness through anything the mind desires is exactly what Jesus, Lao Tzu, the Buddha and many others pointed to as the cause of so much of our suffering. The depth of their great teachings has pointed to a singular truth; we are full and complete already and in need of nothing other than to awaken to our true nature. This, they assure us, can only be found in the mindful state of the present moment, not in the mind-created state of what the future will bring.

The great masters taught what I call the law of subtraction. This law teaches that when we drop all attachments to things, let go of everything we think we know about ourselves, we discover the kingdom of heaven within. This law points to the profound peace that comes from no longer being at odds with the present moment and no longer seeking fulfillment in the future. This is the exact opposite of the law of attraction, which begins with the premise, “life would be better if only I had this or that.”

The beauty of the law of subtraction is that it follows the natural course of life. Nature knows exactly how to lighten our load so that we won’t be the fattened camel trying to jam itself through the needle’s eye. If instead of trying to fight this process by hanging on for dear life, we could be in a state of let-go, we would discover the bliss of what the Buddha referred to as “sunyata,” meaning emptiness.

It’s unlikely that the law of subtraction will ever catch on with the same frenzy that the law of attraction sparked. It’s hard to sell books, videos and “Un-Manifest This” t-shirts while teaching the wisdom of moving beyond desires. But just in case, I have created a new line of products for those who had everything and then let it go. Yes, you too can, for a small price, own your own copy of my blank DVD Nothingness, It’s Really Something. Act now and I’ll throw in a blank copy of my new cd, Silence Like You Never Heard It Before.

Confessions of a Thoughtaholic: Part II

You think because you don’t understand.
When understanding arises, thinking disappears.
Osho

When we last left the humble narrator he had just experienced the jarring disruption of a life lived on autopilot. Thinking, which was once filled with such great promise, had become a rabid dog about to bite the hand that had fed it for so many years.

Anxiety, for those who have never felt its cold hand beyond the casual “My God what am I going to do about my job, child, 401k?” is a unique experience. It’s like waking up from a dream in which you are being chased by an evil force and your legs won’t move, to find that you are being chased by an evil force and your legs won’t move.

When it comes to the mind, anxiety is essentially worrying about your worries. This vicious cycle revs up the stress response so that one’s body begins to course with adrenaline and cortisol as the body prepares to fight an imagined foe. The mind, having created this menacing phantom, then begins to figure out ways to destroy it. If it were not for the sleeplessness nights, inability to eat, annoying obsessions and near-panic reactions to mundane life events, this mind-charade would be laughable. Sadly, in the throes of any addiction, a sense of humor is one of the first things to go.

Fortunately, I had access to wonderfully caring people who did there best to point out to me that I needed to kick this thinking habit. This, they assured me, would restore me to the moderately compulsive person they knew and loved. With their help I was able to ride out the thought storm and, as the deluge slowed to a trickle, discover the profound truth of the Tao Te Ching; “Stop thinking and end your problems.”

Looking back on the rocky road of recovery, I can now say that the journey did me a world of good. As the famous quote says, “What is hard to endure is sweet to remember.” The sweetness of confronting thought addiction is that one never again takes thoughts so seriously. Once you discover how easily the passing parade of mental noise can turn into a cacophony, (not unlike the shrieks heard on the weeding out stages of American Idol) it is easier to sit back and chuckle. With Simon-like confidence one can even rate one’s own performance:
“Not only are those the silliest thoughts you have ever come up with, they are without any hint of coherence. To say that they are the ramblings of a mad man is to insult raving lunatics everywhere.”

Since no recovery story worth its salt is without a Step Program and a slogan, I humbly offer the following: (I apologize to the 12-Step Program, in my experience most people can’t focus on more than three things at a time and addicts seldom make it past Step 1.)

The 3 Steps
Step 1: Forget your ego
Step 2: Forget Step 1
Step 3: Go back to Step 1

The Slogan

Thinking; it only seems like a good idea.

Confessions of a Thoughtaholic: Part 1

Restless the mind is. . .
Truly I think
The wind is no wilder.
Bhagavad Gita

My name is Mike and I’m a recovering thoughtaholic. I can’t say that I’m completely clean because I have still have thoughts now and then. I can say that they no longer run my life. My story is like that of many thinking addicts. I only hope it will help some other desperate soul out there in search of his or her next brain fix.

I began my addiction very early in life. It seemed very innocent at the time. I don’t remember the exact thoughts I had but I know they had something to do with a teddy bear, a blankie and some kind of cage I was living in at the time. I often used thoughts to soothe my young jangled nerves. This seemed a necessity once the “tall ones” took away my pacifier.

I as grew older, I found the hidden powers of thinking. It seemed to me that when I thought about scary stuff, I got scared and when I thought about happy stuff, I felt happy. I would often use thinking to create magical worlds where I could zoom into space, drive racecars, hunt for buried treasures and battle evil monsters all without leaving the safety of my bedroom.

Unbelievably, I was soon sent away to learn to think even more. Part of my brain seemed to know better and fought against this indoctrination. To my frustrated parents, this seemed like a classic case of separation anxiety; to me it was being cast out of Eden, crayons, paste and scissors in tow.

As I got the hang of formal education, my thinking addiction was well under way. I soon moved on from the soft stuff, “See Jane Run,” to the hard stuff, “If x=10 and y=x-5 what is 5x + 10y?” These were good times. There was nothing that my mind could not do. Jacked up on thoughts, I could solve the deepest of life’s mysteries. I was about to take a big bite out of the apple of knowledge.

Such is the exuberance and ignorance of youth, however, and I soon discovered that my thinking did not always bring good feelings. Sometimes, I would find my thoughts simply revolving around each other with no apparent purpose. Other times, my thoughts would lead to negative consequences that seemed to be delivered by an uncaring world. As I moved into early adulthood, my thinking habit was a daily happening and there were times when I would find myself, alone in bed, tossing and turning from the thoughts that wanted me to pull an all-nighter.

They say that recovery starts once you hit bottom. For me that bottom was in the form of an anxiety episode that took place well into my adult years. At the time, I believed I had tamed the thought beast and had kicked the habit. Sure, I was still thinking on a daily basis and trying to cover up the negative effects of thinking by more thinking. Of course, I was still hiding my thinking on occasions and, in the classic addict move, I was seeking out other thinkers, but I was still in control. That delusion painfully dissolved when the evil thoughts moved in and pushed out anything good and pure.

To be continued . . .

Say "Yes" to Yes

Remember this: no is ego fulfilling: yes is the method to discover the self.
Osho

This week’s personal stress strategy and technique was inspired by a recent trip my wife and I took to see the most adorable grandbaby in the world. For the uninitiated, Elizabeth Grace lives in Atlanta and is about to turn two years old. Among the many tasks facing Elizabeth at this age is the building of her ego. So it is that her current favorite word is “no.” This can be quite adorable in one so young, as the following exchange demonstrates:

Grandpa: Elizabeth, do you want to get your jammies on for bed?
Elizabeth: No. (Continues chasing the dog.)
Grandpa: Then do you want grandpa to read you a bedtime story?
Elizabeth: No. (Stops to pick up her doll baby.)
Grandpa: Do you want grandma to tuck you in?
Elizabeth: No. (Resumes chasing the dog.)
Grandpa: Do you want a big piece of chocolate cake before you go to bed?
Elizabeth: No. (Stops everything and realizing what she just said, begins to cry.)

This nay-saying mechanism is not so cute when it gets trapped in an almost 50 year old body, as demonstrated by the following exchange on the trip home:

Grandma: You want to stop for some coffee before we get going?
Grandpa: No. (Continues playing with the radio.)
Grandma: Then how about we stop to get something to eat, at least?
Grandpa: No. (Check GPS to make sure that he took the right exit.)
Grandma: How about . . ?
Grandpa: No. (Turns off radio in disgust that no one plays good Jazz anymore.)
Grandma: Tell me, does a diaper come with that attitude?
Grandpa: (In ignorant bliss) Did we pack any of that chocolate cake?

As Osho points out, “no” is food for the ego. Negation and resistance are the steroids that juice up our egos and keep them feeling in control. This is an essential developmental stage when we are young and there is no way around it. That’s why God created grandparents; to remind parents that “this, too, shall pass.”

The problem later in life is that “no” closes us off to the free flowing creative energy of the universe. The following technique is helpful in bringing us back into contact with this energy; spend a day saying “yes.” For twenty-four hours approach every situation with a "yes" attitude. Pay close attention to the feeling inside as you do this. Notice the pull toward the “no” and all of the reasons your mind will come up with to justify its reaction. Then notice the deep feeling of ease that comes with the “yes.” See how much easier it is to move through you day with acceptance rather than rejection.

A few quick caveats before you choose your day of yes. You might want to avoid used car salesmen, QVC and telemarketers. In addition, if you have kids you might want to tell them what you are up to and warn them that the yes only applies to the next 24 hours and that all decisions are rescinded with the following sunrise. No need to give away the farm with this one.

Personal Stress Strategies and Techniques: Defy Thyself

It is a true miracle when a man finally sees himself as his only opposition.
Vernon Howard


One of the common diagnoses given to adolescents these days is Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders—the bible for therapists—ODD is described as “An ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures.” These kids have elevated defiance into an art form. If do not have to parent these children, there is something almost endearing about their refusal to follow society’s norms.

Think back to your teenage years. Do you remember how fantastic it felt to rebel against authority now and then? Fast forward to your current life situation and ask yourself when was the last time you broke out of habitual patterns of behaving and thinking. Realize that much of your stress is tied up in “the same old routine.” This is neatly summed up by the AA phrase, “Do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you always got.” Don’t be too hard on yourself about this complacency. The refusal to try something new is the result of years of conditioning and pure exhaustion.

To break free, I suggest that you try a little ODD yourself. Consciously choose to buck the trends and set your own course, as in, “No I will not have fries with that, give me a side of another burger!” See how much fun it can be when you run contrary to popular opinion and “do your own thing” again. Make this as small or large as you feel comfortable with. The point that you're making is not that you can buck society’s conventions, but that you can disrupt your own. What you are rebelling against is the mind conditioning that forces you to see the world in the same way over and over again. To defy (literally "to renounce faith in") your thoughts this way is to break out of the prison of the false self and experience, again, the freedom that is your true self.

Where Did I Go?

Today I want to introduce you to the first of many Personal Stress Strategies and Techniques (PSST). These exercises will help you to realize the healing power of stress in your everyday life. Some will be practical methods that you can use whenever the mood strikes. Others will be more meditative in nature. A few will take the form of Zen koans, taking you beyond the mind completely.

We will start with the ancient trick of learning to make yourself disappear. Don’t worry, you will be back in time to catch Dancing with the Stars.

To begin, get a sheet of paper and find a quiet spot. In the absence of a quiet spot, pick one where the noises are familiar enough that you can ignore them without your blood pressure tacking into the near-stroke range. On the paper write down 4 or 5 things that are currently stressing you out. Be brutally honest about this. If you are still seeing red over the idea of a national health care plan, put that down. If the thought of Paula Abdul not returning to American Idol is keeping you up at night, on the list it goes. Once you have your list, turn the paper over.

On the top of this page write the words “I am.” Under this statement, list everything you can think of that describes who you are. Start with the obvious, age, gender, star sign, work role, etc. But don’t stop there. Really dig down into the depths and write all the things that make up the you you think yourself to be.

When the list is complete do the following:

1. Cross out anything that describes your physical make up, i.e. tall, short, svelte, and the like. Your body changes constantly so that cannot be who you really are.

2. Cross out anything that describes you in relation to others, i.e. brother, mother, father, Secret Santa. This requires the presence of another so it cannot be who you really are.

3. Cross out anything that is a subjective description of yourself, i.e. loving, caring, heart the size of the moon. These are nice, but be honest, you made them up so they cannot be who you really are.

4. Cross out anything that describes something of which you have no direct experience, i.e. one with the universe, the center of all existence. Nice try, but unless you live on that plane of reality you are just hoping.

5. Finally, cross out anything else that may be on your list since it simply means that you were excessively obsessive about this exercise and put down something that I could not imagine.

Now, look at your list and all of the cross outs and ask yourself this important question, “Who just completed this exercise?” Then, with your mind still stunned, turn the page over to your list of stressors and ask yourself this question, “Who is it that is stressed about all of these things?”

The (R)Age of Reason

If we don’t understand how
our minds work,
we will begin to rely

on our mental constructions
and we will be at the mercy of reason.
Anthony De Mello

If stress has a flag-bearer, then that title has to go to the mother of all emotions, anger. We live in a culture where anger is all the rage. From politicians to talk show hosts, little league coaches to more talk show hosts, it seems everyone has a river of anger flowing in their veins. Anger and stress are not just two sides of the same coin they are the same side of the same coin and that coin has long since tarnished.

If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that while we may long for emotions such as happiness, love and peace, anger is our go-to emotion. Anger seems to flow so effortlessly and, if the truth were told, feels so good at times. While there are many theories behind our attraction to, and use of, anger, we can boil most of them down to the following: the ego hates not having its needs met. Look at any situation that brings an angry response and see if you can’t sense the presence of the egoic mind which is ticking off all of the rational reasons why such and such should not be happening.

This is why the anger habit is so hard to break; it makes sense to the mind. The mind compares what is happening against what it wants to happen and then sends signals to the body that something is wrong. This can actually be beneficial when our personal rights are being trampled on. Many great changes in our lives have anger-energy as their fuel. The problem arises when the threat only exists in the mind. In a dramatic case of the dog chasing its tail, our minds create scenarios that get the blood boiling and then they try to find ways to calm the raging beast. This not-so-merry-go-round is what many of us mistake for “just another day” until vertigo leaves us feeling exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

When we move into a more mindful state, we see that it is our “reasonable” minds that are behind the rage response. When we begin to accept things as they are, the world no longer seems like it is here just to frustrate us. Yes, we still get angry, but we know that the anger is the body alerting us to the fact that we have slipped out of present moment awareness. We know that we are not our anger and that when we are no longer interested in it, the energy moves on.

The Buddha said that hanging on to anger is like holding a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone. In the end, only we are burned by it. Think of this image the next time you feel your mind getting ready to put together the list of “things to be angry about today.” I’m certain that you will realize that the wise response is to drop the coal.

Know Pain, Know Gain

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
Kenji Miyazawa

Physical pain is the body’s way of telling us that something is amiss. It brings our attention into the present moment and says, “Hey, look over here, your eyebrows are on fire.” Without pain, we would most likely not make it out of childhood. The young mind believes it is invincible and would throw its skin suit into all sorts of life-threatening predicaments, if it could. Thus, the burning sensation tells the young child that stoves are for pots and pans, not hands and fingers. This allows the child to move on to new dangers, such as seeing if umbrellas make good parachutes. (Kids, don’t try this at home!)

Stress can act in much the same way. The sensation we feel when stressed tells us that we need to examine something that we are doing. One form of this feedback loop is the splitting headache at the end of the workday. A more dire warning is something along the lines of, “If you’re not going to do something about this, then how about I stop your heart from beating for a few seconds?”

If stress acts as a signal flare, alerting us to the need for an emotional rescue, why do we so often miss this not so subtle warning and continue as if all is well? When did we lose touch with ourselves to the point that many of us never stop to consider what our stress is telling us until someone in a white coat asks if we’ve met our deductible yet?

When we live in our heads, we often forget about our bodies or simply see them as means of transport for the all-important brain case that is the head. Disconnected from the whole of ourselves, we rely on rational process to sort through our experiences and solve the challenges that come our way. With all of the mind-noise, we can barely hear what our stress is saying. When a message does get through, if it sounds familiar, it is filed away in the, “Yeah, yeah, I know,” bin. This is why many of us sincerely feel surprised when the stress train runs us over.

Mindfulness helps to reconnect us to the wisdom in the body. This does not remove stress, instead, it helps stress move through the otherwise blocked channels. This allows the natural learning and healing process to unfold. Stepping out of the mind-fog, we step into present moment awareness. It is this very awareness we knew so well as children. The time when we did not need to be shown more than once that umbrellas do not have the necessary lift coefficient to prevent crash landings. (Kids, trust me on this one.)

Zen and the Art of Mushroom Hunting

This is the Zen approach: There is nothing to do. One has just to be. Have a rest and be ordinary and be natural.
Osho

Where I live in southeastern Virginia, April is important for two major reasons. The first reason is that it is the last month of nice weather before the dreaded mayflies show up and spoil every outing with their incessant biting. What makes them especially annoying is that they always target the head and face and are impervious to bug sprays. The second reason is that April heralds the arrival of the king of all fungi, the morel mushroom.

For the uninitiated, the morel is to mushrooms what filet mignon is to meat, what sea bass is to fish and what Chunky Monkey is to ice cream. With a taste that defies explanation, these gifts from the ground cannot be cultivated. Therefore, one must search the woods in hopes of stumbling across this delicacy.

What does all of this mushroom madness have to do with Zen? Good question, Grasshopper. I will try to explain.

The essence of Zen is often summed up with the expression “Chop wood, carry water.” This points to the fact that Zen practice is about simplicity itself. When we are deeply connected to what we are doing in the present moment we experience the power of awareness. This attention to life as it is, brings with it great peace. To obtain this peace we do not need to reach for higher planes or altered states. We simply do one thing at a time without the mind inserting notions of past or future.

When one looks for morels, one has to be singularly focused on the task. Concern about being bum-rushed by a mountain lion, rabid fox or herd of deer only distracts from the task of trying to distinguish a brownish spike in the ground from all of the other brownish things lying around. Walking intentionally, with senses sharpened, is meditation of the highest form. That is if one can keep the “I found more ‘shrooms than you,” ego at bay.

When one finally stumbles upon the once buried treasure, there is a profound sense of satisfaction. This feeling arises not from the mind but from the core of one’s being: that part that has realized a harmonious oneness with all creation. Not to mention the sense of how good these bad boys are going to taste sautéed in a little butter and served piping-hot over toast.

Much like all things Zen, there are levels of advancement along the road of mushroom hunting. Early devotees, like myself, are often too anxious to produce results and therefore easily overlook the telltale sign that one is in morel territory. It is during these times that the wise master steps in and directs the student back to the present moment. “You just walked right past this one,” he will say holding up the mother of all mushrooms. And if he has the Zen sense of humor that my father-in-law, and mushroom guru, has, he will add, “If a morel grows in the forest and you are not there to pick it, what are you going to have to eat while I’m having a morel-stuffed omelet?

Mr. Fix-It

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
The Book of Common Prayer

Recently I ran headlong into what the Buddha called anicca, the impermanence of all things. This confrontation occurred during the time-honored tradition known as spring cleaning. Honey-do-list in hand, it hit me, “Didn’t I just do all of this? How can there be so much that needs painting, cleaning, and repairing?” This brought on the first of the Buddha’s four noble truths; life is dukkha, or suffering.

My personal dukkha, in this case, comes from absence of the gene that makes men good at fix-it jobs. I am to home repair what the Buddha apparently was to dieting; not only not good at it, but lacking almost any interest in it. As I sat staring into a brilliant blue sky, the sun just reaching over the trees, I realized that our attachment to forms that will eventually crumble into dust is the source of great pain and suffering. Also, I knew that my efforts to stop things from crumbling often caused me increased pain, as in the hammer hitting the thumb rather than the nail, the weed whacked stone flying into the eye, or the ripping of flesh as the knuckles move but the wrench does not. Most importantly, I knew that Nirvana was just down the river in the form of bass waiting to be caught.

Why bother cutting grass that is only going to grow back, turn brown, die and be taken over by weeds that will dominate all summer? Why clean the deck only to have moss and mold make their way back to reclaim what they believe is rightfully theirs? And for heaven’s sake, why clean leaves out of a gutter when the leaves are capable of decomposing all on their own, creating the black gold known as compost?

My plan was to use my new-found knowledge of the ancient masters to convince my better half that a day not spent on the water fishing was a day wasted. I would win her over to the notion that there is great restorative power in leisure. Here is how my argument went:

Me: You know, the Buddha says that our attachment to things that will eventually dissolve leads to needless suffering. I’m thinking the chores can wait another weekend. I hear the bass are running wild in the creek.
My better half: (Drinks her Yogi tea and does not respond.)
Me: (Somewhat more desperately) The Tao Te Ching says “Retire when work is done, this is the way of heaven.” Who are we to argue with Lao Tzu?
My better half: (Continues to sip her tea in silence).
Me: (Going for the big guns) You know, Jesus said “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” You also know he was very fond of fishermen.
My better half: (Putting down her tea) When you can turn water into wine, you get a pass on the chores list. Practice mindfulness as you power-wash the deck.

Solemnly, I turned my attention back to the list. I marveled at how the paper contained within it all the elements of the universe. I considered the interdependent relationships that had brought about its existence. Within that piece of paper were the sun, the wind, and the rain. All of them seemed to be mocking me now through the silent scribble of ink that was mapping out my weekend. I wondered how long would it take for this paper to dissolve into the eternal cycle of life and death? And more importantly, would that get me out of chore number five which was to clean out the gutters?

Altered States

Meditation is something in-built. You just have to create a space for it to function, just give it a chance.
Osho

My wife and I recently found ourselves in an altered state. The state was North Carolina, where we spent an extended weekend on the Outer Banks.
This got us into a deep conversation about the concept of altered states and what constitutes true consciousness. This is what therapists do when they are on vacation together.

We have both come across teachings that suggest that what we consider our normal consciousness is actually a dream state. A lively debate ensued about whether or not meditation was an avenue toward altered or true states of consciousness. Here is how I remember the conversation:

Mike: An altered state is actually a meditative state. When you meditate, you contact your true inner self or state. It’s the non-meditative state the deludes you into believing that it is real, thus the paradoxical paradigm shift between being and nonbeing. (I recall that I was quite articulate on this point.)
Kathy: I have no comeback for your wisdom. You speak the truth my dear husband. (I may not remember her response verbatim.)

I am now being told by my wife, who happened upon the last paragraph, that I misrepresented our exchange. Her version is as follows:

Kathy: I’m talking about the connection between the altered states we experience during meditation and the altered states we discover while on vacation, outside of our usual habitual patterns, while out of state. Get it? I think you should write a blog about it.
Mike: You write a blog about it (pouting). I am way too filled with foolish man-pride to admit that you had a good idea and send it out as my blog. I may as well just tie an apron around myself right now. (Returns to reading the book How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Really Trying.)

I’m not going to quibble over whose version is correct. Here is a hint, there is no such book as How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Really Trying. Instead, I want to move on the central point that whatever we do to step out of our egoic selves brings us into contact with our true nature. Meditation, a walk on the beach, listening to a rainstorm and anything we experience in the present moment brings us to a state of consciousness that is a deviation from the normal state of habitual thought. There is nothing mystical about altered states of consciousness because they represent our deep connection to the universe. Nothing could be more natural.

The “other-worldly” quality comes from egoic mind stepping back in to evaluate what just happened while its back was turned. With its return, the connection to the present moment is broken and we are lost again in time.

Vacation, from the Latin word vacatio literally means “freedom.” In the practical sense, it is freedom from one’s duty or profession. In the meditative sense, it is freedom from mind-dominated experience. The bad news is that you can’t buy it, pack it, or make it happen. The great news is that you have it with you at all times; it’s your home state and its motto is the same as that of North Carolina, which is “To be, rather than to seem.”

Kathy: You made that last bit up, didn’t you?
Mike: No, it really is the motto. I just googled it.”
Kathy: That’s too perfect. It’s the essence of mindfulness; seeing things as they really are, rather than how they appear to the mind. That’s how you should end the blog.
Mike: That’s just what I was going to do.
Kathy: You were not.
Mike: I was too.
Kathy: Can’t you just admit that I had a good point and leave it at that?
Mike: (Thinks for a long time) Let’s go look at our beach pictures again.

Canned Stress

Although, contrary to public opinion, we must not—and indeed cannot—avoid stress, we can meet it efficiently and enjoy it by learning more about its mechanism and adjusting our philosophy of life accordingly.

Hans Selye

A recent quest has taken me into the heart of our country’s strange addiction to stress. You see, I am one of the few remaining souls who still craves decaffeinated cola drinks. For the past several days, I have been in and out of convenience stores, supermarkets and even the cafeteria in the hospital I work in trying to get my hands on a caffeine-free Pepsi or Coke. I would have even settled for an RC. I was that desperate. What I found, instead, was that not only are caffeine-free drinks hard to come by; store shelves are stocked with what I call “canned stress.” These super-charged, stay-up-all-night, “who wants to run around the block” elixirs point to our love/hate relationship with stress.

First, a wee-bit of science. Caffeine has the following effects on our systems:
1. Stimulates your heart, respiratory system, and central nervous system.
2. Causes messages to be passed along your nervous system more quickly.
3. Stimulates blood circulation.
4. Raises blood pressure.
5. Causes your adrenal glands to release their hormones into your bloodstream.
6. Causes blood sugar, or blood glucose, to be released from storage through the effects of the adrenal hormones.

Now here is what stress does to our bodies:
1. Nervous system responds by releasing a flood of stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol.
2. Heart pounds faster.
3. Muscles tighten.
4. Blood pressure rises.
5. Breath quickens.
6. Senses become sharper.

The difference between the two responses is how the mind labels what is going on. When the response comes because your boss just reminded you that it is time for your annual review, we call it “stress.” When it comes out of a nicely packed container with the promise of mental clarity and perhaps even sexual prowess, we call it “being juiced.”

Surely, there is a lesson here for us. If the basic difference between the good time of sitting around a table at Starbucks discussing the president’s economic bailout while jacked up on mocha lattes, and the not-so-good time of your stock broker explaining your personal bailout of declaring bankruptcy, is in the mind, there is hope. Perhaps we can take a cue from mass marketing and just repackage our notion of stress to make it more appealing.

I suggest that we stop calling stress the “silent killer” and give it a title worthy of our nation’s obsession with inner energy. We could even hip-hop it up in the same way the Republican Party has brought “street cred” to itself. Something along the lines of “killa stress,” seems fitting.

I would like to kick off a national campaign to turn stress from a villain into a “gangsta,” set to the following rap:

Yo, yo you with the heart beat thumpin’
And the blood all pumpin’
Ain’t you sumpin
With your brains all racin’
And your hormones chasin’
Ain’t nothing you be facin’
But stress
Killa stress…

Oh, well, it didn’t seem to work for the Republicans either. Perhaps we can just learn to accept the fact that the aliveness we feel when stressed is part of the tension of living. Sure, in huge doses, over a prolonged period of time, it can eat away at the fabric of your being, but so can Dr. Pepper. Maybe by simply choosing to rename the moments in our lives when we feel supercharged inside we can defuse the stress time bomb. Of course, that would be nothing more than a mental trick, a slight of mind, as it were. But so is telling ourselves that we are nothing more than ego-filled skins suits that need to fear life rather than celebrate it.

Why not turn the mind back on itself and go deeply into the stress of life, only without the distress? Heck, I’m so convinced I’m going go get a super-sized can of high energy Jolt and drink a toast to stress. Then I’m going to run around the block, take the dog for a walk, and maybe take up kick boxing . . .

Opposites Attach

Therefore having and not having arise together. Difficult and easy complement each other. Long and short contrast with each other; High and low rest upon each other; Voice and sound harmonize each other; Front and back follow one another. --Tao Te Ching

To find healing in situations that, at first glance, seem to only inflict suffering, we have to move beyond the Western notion of “either/or.” The Newtonian model of the universe teaches that everything has been put together like a machine and the parts are good or bad, working or not working, and desirable or undesirable. Once the mind bites this apple of the knowledge of good and evil, all hell breaks loose.

Most of us understand that the world comes at us in waves of opposites. We know that there are “good times” that are often followed by “bad times.” We know that coins have two sides, and we get the concept that once you climb up a mountain you have to come down again. Stress shows up because the mind thinks it can, and needs to, gain mastery over the world by eliminating one of the opposites. We see the polarities of the world and think, “I like this end of the stick, but I’m not really happy with the other end.” Thus, we spend untold energies trying to rid ourselves of some thing in order to get this other thing.

This act of separating the world is so entrenched in our collective history, and so deep within our personal psyches, that most people genuinely do not know there’s another way of looking at things. Educated and indoctrinated into the cult of “this or that,” many people cannot even imagine a whole unified world, let alone a complete sense of self.

So much of stress is the result of trying to pry apart things that actually compliment each other. It is the mind that sees contrast and competition and it sends the ego—the false self created to meet the challenges of the material world—out to do its dirty work. The reality is that there is no split, except in our heads. We are all, to greater or lesser degrees, schizophrenic—torn between reality and fantasy.

To discover the healing power of stress we simply have to heal the split within; no longer tear ourselves to pieces in an attempt to find the good bits among the ruins. We are only in our “right minds” when we’re whole. When we stop carving up our lives into what seems like easily digestible pieces, we will begin to feel holy—free of wound or injury—again. Once we realize that opposites are not truly in opposition to each other, that they actually support each other, we will no longer feel the deep sense of dread when we find ourselves at one pole or the other. When we say “yes” to the natural order of things, life stops saying “no” to us. By simply blessing the ups and the downs, we turn struggle into surrender and resistance into acceptance.

Nice to Meet Me

The inside information is that your self, as “just little me” who “came into this world” and lives temporarily in a bag of skin, is a hoax and a fake.
Alan Watts

I have been living with me all my life and, I must confess, I have not always been good company. Sure there have been some good times; the summer of ‘77 immediately comes to mind, as does my wedding night, but there has been more than the occasional rough spot. The time I talked myself into wearing a lime green leisure suit to ninth grade “class night” still stings. All of this leaves me wondering just who is this me I have had as a companion ever since I was able to call something “mine!” (As in, “That lime green leisure suit burning on that garbage heap over there? That’s mine.”)

If the Buddha was right, and the self that we create and come to think of as me is in fact only an illusion, it’s one hell of trick. It’s right up there with sawing a woman in half, levitation and bipartisanship in Washington D.C. Me sure seems real when in the throes of ecstasy, as in when my team wins the Super Bowl. And equally real during times of deep heartbreak, as when my team loses the Super Bowl. Four times in a row. Not that I’m bitter.

During an extended episode of anxiety I was so lost in the sense of me that, in an ironic twist, the world around me took on a very unreal quality. Nothing could penetrate the panic shield my mind had created. So it was that days of warm sun, caring family and curious pets were all deflected away, like bullets bouncing off of the chest of Superman, only this Superman was afraid to sleep, eat and . . . well you don’t need to know all of the gory details. The deeper I fell into the endless pit of “self" the more it seemed that my mind was the only hope of getting out. As my faithful readers now know, this was the opposite of what would save me. So it was that every thought sent in as a rescuer turned into a victim and would call back, “its much worse down here than we imagined.”

It seemed that I had come to the breaking point and that if there was going to be any peace I was going to have to get over myself. This initially seemed like a daunting challenge. Bookstores are overflowing with titles pointing the way out of dysfunctional relationships with others. But where does one find the tome “I’m Just Not That Into Me”? Fortunately, for the soon-to-no-longer-be me, a means of having a civil divorce from one’s self had already been mapped out. Not only were there pointers showing the way, there were detailed descriptions of what to expect, what to avoid and most importantly where all the rest stops were along the way.

It was exceedingly comforting, and remains so to this day, to find that the who’s-not-who list of those who have overcome the self includes Jesus, the Buddha, Lao Tzu, Ramana Marharshi, Nisagardatta Maharaj and Krishnamurti, to name a few. Their collective fingers have pointed the way to a life without the burdensome me. With their help, I stopped the frantic search for my sanity. With great relief, I put away the science of mind in favor of the silence of the mind. Whether it is called mindfulness, meditation or spiritual seeking, this Zen-quest leads one out of the wilderness of the ego and into the wide open space of non-self. It is surely this wide open space that the poet Rumi referred to when he wrote:

Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.

It is in this very field where me and Self meet and live mindfully ever-after.